I’m a disappointment to myself

I keep doing so well, right up until the end of the day, then it all goes to hell. By the time i get to dinner, I have no more willpower, and I just let go. I have been going back for seconds, and even thirds. Tonight I made what should have been enough dinner for 6 servings. Instead, two of us ate the whole thing. It was a day and a half worth of food for me, and i ate it all at once. Then I wanted dessert.

I need to stop this insanity. I can feel myself getting worse off every time I do it. I want to give up. I want to quit working out and just eat everything, all the time. Every day I think about how hopeless it is. I’m fighting nature. I’m fighting myself and the way I’m meant to be.

Please, God, help me. Give me the peace and the strength. Help me fill the gaping hole in me that I’m trying to stuff with food. Help me make the pain and the fear go away. I can’t do it on my own.

so close

i ate really well today, right up until dinner. i even did both my piyo AND my treadmill running. then i had the equivalent of 4 servings of dinner. :( it was delicious, and thankfully my body is tolerating it ok for now, but still. i just undid all of my progress for the day.

thanks, monday.

I need a do-over

Today has been one of those days where nothing catastrophically bad has happened, but nothing seems to be going right either. It’s been a series of little things all day that have all gone just a little bit wrong. I want to go back to bed and try again tomorrow.

well THAT was exciting

out of nowhere, my body started freaking out. cold sweats, stomach cramps, dizziness, nausea, finger numbness, neck cramps, shortness of breath… i just ended up laying down on the floor and breathing through it. wish i knew what that was all about. all i’ve had today is my protein shake.

so, that happened.