Now that axel is getting on in doggie years and getting a little creakier, i’ve let him start sleeping on the bed. They problem is that he’s a big dog and it’s not a big bed, so a lot of the time i end up being shoved off the side, because he’s taken over. I knew there was a reason I never let him sleep on the bed before…
If someone else told me the story of what I’m going through, i’d think they were crazy for hanging around and not being treated with respect. Why do I justify it to myself and make it ok to be treated like second best?
I suppose that’s not fair. Both of us have a lot to deal with right now, and it’s not realistic to try to make anything real happen. Maybe we should just let go and try again later. Maybe we should just move on and accept this as a near miss. I don’t know.
Our next door neighbors have been in the process of moving out for almost a month now. I wish they would hurry up and be done already so I could use their vacant driveway.
this afternoon i got to go see a GI for the first time in a year, now that i’ve finally been approved for medicaid. i arrived for my 11:45 appointment at 11:20, as requested, to fill out paperwork since it was my first visit. i was told the doctor was running a little behind schedule, but that i should go have a seat in the waiting room and they’d call me back as soon as they could.
1:30ish i was finally called back, but after going through the initial questions with the intake nurse, about why i came in and what symptoms i was having, she looked at me quizzically. apparently the doctor they had scheduled me to see is a surgeon, not a gastroenterologist. i waited for him to come in, explained to him everything i’ve been through and all of the symptoms i’ve been having, and he said there’s really nothing for him to do but to send me back to the front desk to get me scheduled to see a gastroenterologist.
at the front desk, they requested that i contact my old doctor (i just moved here from another state) and have all of my old medical records sent over. once they have my medical records, they can set me up an appointment with a doctor.
3.5 hours after i arrived, i left with nothing to show for my time. at least they covered my parking so i didn’t have to pay for that.
the most frustrating bit was that after talking to the surgeon, he told me that based on everything i described, he doesn’t even think i have crohn’s. i may have something else, but unless i show him a test result from the biopsy done during the colonoscopy 2 years ago that shows i tested positive for crohn’s, he just doesn’t think i have it. and you know what, that’s fine and dandy but if i DON’T have crohn’s, then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?! why would my original GI get my test results back and tell me i DO have crohn’s, if i DON’T?
it’s been a long day. i think i’m going to go cry now.
when i left vb i felt like you had finally had enough and were looking for a way to kick her out, and might actually show up here any day, ready to try to win me back. two days later, i find out that you’re still trying to make things work with her, and that you seem to be happy to let me go on about my life. i have no idea what’s going on or where i stand. i know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, and i’m always happy to be here for you, as a diversion or a sounding board or whatever you need. i just don’t know if i’m supposed to wait for you or give up and move on. for months now, since i left, i have been getting messages to move on, but as soon as i try to, you seem to not want me to go. i’m confused and i’m tired of bandaging an open wound that neither one of us will allow to heal.
Since I’m no longer allowed to tell you in person, I suppose I could at least tell it to the ether. Maybe if I get it out there, I won’t feel such a great burden by not saying it to you.
I miss you. I miss your touch, the sound of your voice, and the way you smell. I miss the way you could hold me and the whole world got better. Suddenly I felt safe.
I miss you, but if you need me to be gone from your life, to make things easier, then I’ll go, because I love you, and love means taking care of someone, even at the expense of your own happiness. Just know that every day, I pray for you to change your mind and come back to me.
today is my best friend’s birthday, and i have no way of telling him that i’m thinking of him, that i miss him every day, and that i hope he’s doing well, wherever he is out there. hopefully some day he’ll see this and know that i didn’t forget.
happy birthday, jarhead. no matter how many miles, or years stand between us, you’ll always be my best buddy. here’s to another year older, and hopefully closer to being able to actually hug you again.
tomorrow one of my best friends goes in for surgery. theoretically it’s a pretty routine surgery and he should be fine, but then theoretically mine was going to be a routine surgery and i almost died in the hospital. either way, i offer up a prayer on his behalf.
please, God, watch over my friend. help him sleep tonight, and be with him tomorrow in surgery. i know i can’t pray that he’ll be alright, because if it’s not your will for him to be alright, then he won’t be, but please see him through this. be by his side. hold his hand in my stead and let him know i love him. please give the doctors the wisdom and skill to perform the surgery correctly, give the nurses patience, gentleness, and insight to look after him in recovery, give his body strength to heal, and give his mind peace.
I work for a company bases in Oregon.
And you are really cute and have a great body.
I work for a company based in Oregon.
And you are really cute and have a great body.
Your dog also has a great body.
If you see a random cat hiding in your room…What would you do?
try to pry it out of my german shepherd’s mouth.
What if he jumps on something where your dog can’t reach? lol
can’t stay there forever.
So what would you do? Lol
sorry, forget i ever responded to you in the first place.
it’s a fucking cat.
Wait so what would you do??Lol
i’d fucking stab you in the throat for letting a fucking stray cat into my room, then i’d feed the fucking cat to my dog!
note: no, i wouldn’t.