when i left vb i felt like you had finally had enough and were looking for a way to kick her out, and might actually show up here any day, ready to try to win me back. two days later, i find out that you’re still trying to make things work with her, and that you seem to be happy to let me go on about my life. i have no idea what’s going on or where i stand. i know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, and i’m always happy to be here for you, as a diversion or a sounding board or whatever you need. i just don’t know if i’m supposed to wait for you or give up and move on. for months now, since i left, i have been getting messages to move on, but as soon as i try to, you seem to not want me to go. i’m confused and i’m tired of bandaging an open wound that neither one of us will allow to heal.
Since I’m no longer allowed to tell you in person, I suppose I could at least tell it to the ether. Maybe if I get it out there, I won’t feel such a great burden by not saying it to you.
I miss you. I miss your touch, the sound of your voice, and the way you smell. I miss the way you could hold me and the whole world got better. Suddenly I felt safe.
I miss you, but if you need me to be gone from your life, to make things easier, then I’ll go, because I love you, and love means taking care of someone, even at the expense of your own happiness. Just know that every day, I pray for you to change your mind and come back to me.
today is my best friend’s birthday, and i have no way of telling him that i’m thinking of him, that i miss him every day, and that i hope he’s doing well, wherever he is out there. hopefully some day he’ll see this and know that i didn’t forget.
happy birthday, jarhead. no matter how many miles, or years stand between us, you’ll always be my best buddy. here’s to another year older, and hopefully closer to being able to actually hug you again.
tomorrow one of my best friends goes in for surgery. theoretically it’s a pretty routine surgery and he should be fine, but then theoretically mine was going to be a routine surgery and i almost died in the hospital. either way, i offer up a prayer on his behalf.
please, God, watch over my friend. help him sleep tonight, and be with him tomorrow in surgery. i know i can’t pray that he’ll be alright, because if it’s not your will for him to be alright, then he won’t be, but please see him through this. be by his side. hold his hand in my stead and let him know i love him. please give the doctors the wisdom and skill to perform the surgery correctly, give the nurses patience, gentleness, and insight to look after him in recovery, give his body strength to heal, and give his mind peace.
I work for a company bases in Oregon.
And you are really cute and have a great body.
I work for a company based in Oregon.
And you are really cute and have a great body.
Your dog also has a great body.
If you see a random cat hiding in your room…What would you do?
try to pry it out of my german shepherd’s mouth.
What if he jumps on something where your dog can’t reach? lol
can’t stay there forever.
So what would you do? Lol
sorry, forget i ever responded to you in the first place.
it’s a fucking cat.
Wait so what would you do??Lol
i’d fucking stab you in the throat for letting a fucking stray cat into my room, then i’d feed the fucking cat to my dog!
note: no, i wouldn’t.
i’m addicted to food.
i eat when i’m hungry, and when i’m not. i eat until i throw up, then i eat some more. i eat when i’m stressed, when i’m bored, when i’m nervous, and when i just don’t know what else to do. i eat until i’m full, then i keep eating. i don’t stop eating until i have chest pain and i’m doubled over, curled up in a ball on the floor. as soon as the pain goes away, i eat some more.
even though i know it’s killing me, i can’t stop eating.
this morning i jumped out of bed, ready to start the day. plans to work out, plans to be productive, plans to be a normal person.
within an hour, my body was reminding me that i’m not normal. i’m having stomach and chest pain already and i haven’t had anything to eat or drink except some water. my scar reminds me how much work it is to remain vertical. my guts cramp and ache. plans for today may get put on hold.
i just want to get through a day.
GUARANTEED: the BEST email of the day*
* results of this email are not guaranteed
Hi! I enjoyed your profile. It seems like we have a lot in common, so I thought I would introduce myself. I’m Troy!
Feel free to check out my profile – I’ve said a lot about myself there. And, if you would like to chat some more, let me know.
Take good care!
hi, troy. that felt an awful lot like a blanket letter. your profile bores me.
considering his might actually be the only message i got today, however, i will grant him that it was the best of the day. i guess there’s that.
woke this morning with my guts tied in knots and my abdomen all cramped up. pushed through it to take the dog on a walk, only to develop chest pains halfway through. by the time i got back i was out of breath, and just wanted to go back to bed, but i had an appointment in an hour, so i couldn’t. i went about my morning routine, breathing through the pain and pounding caffeine to try to stave off exhaustion, only to have my insides decide, right as i was about to walk out the door, that it needed to evacuate everything i’d eaten the day before.
not daring to try to eat anything, lest it make things worse, i went to my appointment on an empty stomach. unfortunately the appointment took 2.5 hours, so i didn’t get home until 4:15 pm. by that point, having not eaten since the day before, and already had an upset digestive system all day, i was shaky and weak and nauseous. had a flour tortilla with fat free cream cheese and a couple slices of ham, which made my insides feel like jello instead.
some days i really hate my body.